Holistic Medicine - Volume I: The Peckender Street Mystery
by DirkGentlyDG
Summary: This is simply a Doctor Who / Dirk Gently cross over. The idea for a cross over came from a serial of Doctor Who that Douglas Adams wrote called Shada being cancelled. He consequently rewrote it in to the Dirk Gently novels. So I just... wrote this. Hope you like it!
1. Chapter 1

**CHAPTER ONE**

The TARDIS. Clara Oswald was leaning upon its console, staring towards the madman who was running around frantically, flicking switches and pushing buttons. She didn't even bother to ask what he was doing; it probably wouldn't make any sense to her anyway. Instead, she turned her head down to the TARDIS' console, it humming in response. "Huh." She looked back at the Doctor. "It's like this thing doesn't like me leaning on it."

"Well, I'm not sure," he replied, not bothering to look up, "You like her, don't you?" He patted the centre of the console, a low ding resounding about the room. "See?" Sighing, he turned his attention back to one of the small screens on the console, gazing at it intently.

Clara's interest was now fully piqued. "Okay, what're you doing, Doctor?"

"What am I doing? Look, look." He beckoned for her with a finger, pointing at the screen once she was next to him. "Some kind of sonic disruption emanating from Earth."

"Sonic disruption?" she questioned.

"Yes, that, whatever a sonic disruption is. Somebody's gotten hold of some sort of sonic device back on Earth. I don't know how or why the TARDIS is picking up its signal but it's there, clear as day!" The screen was laden with orange and blue circular symbols that made no sense to anyone but the Doctor. "Oh, of course, you can't read Gallifreyan. Well, I can assure you that that's what it says. 'Sonic disruptions' and the like. It can even pinpoint an exact location."

"Oh?" Clara lowered herself to get a better look at the screen. "And where's that, then?"

"The exact location is London, England. Peckender Street. I wonder what's going on." He glanced at Clara, smirking. "Want to find out?"

She smirked back in response. "Of course."

"Well, let's go!" The Doctor leapt from her side to pull one final control, the TARDIS thrumming in response, making its way towards Earth.


	2. Chapter 2

CHAPTER TWO

Ring ring.

Ring ring.

Ring ring.

This was the soundtrack of the office at 33a Peckender Street at that precise moment.

Behind a desk, with his feet placed neatly on top of it, sat a curly-haired, tweed-wearing man, holistic detective by profession. In one hand he had a letter addressed to him, the other holding a magnifying glass.

Ring ring.

He eventually glanced up and through the window at the other end of the room, to see his secretary sitting at her desk. "Janice?"

"What do you want?" She snapped abruptly.

He gestured with his head. "Any chance of you answering the phone?"

Janice Pearce scowled and looked back to the paperclip necklace she was creating. "None whatsoever."

"Thought not." The man then turned his attention to another man sitting behind the desk opposite. "MacDuff, what are you doing?"

The tall sandy-haired man turned his head up to look at him. "Sifting through the heaps of final demands you've received over the past three months. Those and the other unpaid rent letters." Richard MacDuff shook his head and went back to sorting the bills into piles in front of him.

Dirk scoffed and picked a hot mug of tea up from his desk and lifted it to his lips. "No current clients," he remarked to himself, screwing the paper in his free hand into a ball and tossing it absent-mindedly in the direction of the entrance.

However, at that exact time, the door opened as a man walked through, the paper hitting him squarely on the forehead. Dirk jumped up, slamming his mug onto the desk and strolled towards the man. "Sorry about that, slight miscalculation on my part."

The man scratched his head. "It's fine, really." He appeared to have blonde hair, with a few short spikes. "I tried calling but I got stuck in some sort of waiting service."

"Yes," MacDuff answered as he stood up, "It can be rather stubborn. Somebody broke our phones." He glanced past the man towards Janice.

She scowled. "You'll get your messages when I get paid." She threw a pen through the doorway at MacDuff, who just managed to dodge out of the way.

"Right. Right." He looked towards the detective. "I'm Rodney Tristan, and you are..?"

"Dirk!" The curly-haired man chirped in reply, "Dirk Gently, holistic detective. My methods are based on the fundamental /interconnectedness/ of all things. And pray tell, what do you require of me?" Dirk grinned widely. Finally he had another case. It wasn't often that Dirk got cases, what with the unhelpful Janice at the phones. But not to worry, he thought. This case will undoubtedly bring in some more cash.

"Well, it's quite alarming, really." Rodney turned his head towards the other man.

He answered Rodney's unspoken question. "Richard MacDuff. Partner."

"Assistant," Dirk corrected before turning his attention towards Rodney again. "You were saying?"

"Yes, well... I think my friend's spying on me."

"Spying on you?" Dirk frowned. "Whatever's led you to draw such a worrying conclusion?"

"Well, it's quite convoluted, I'm afraid. But what I want is for you to see if he is in fact spying on me. Could you do that?" He asked with just a hint of doubt.

At this, Dirk was slightly offended. "Of course I could! Who is the man of which you speak? I need his most recent address and the location at which he was last sighted. I will also require a recent photograph for identification purposes before we begin what I can assure you will be a most intrusive investigation."

"Um... Right. 'Course." He smiled a little at the two of them as he proceeded to give the name and address.


End file.
